Lesson #5: Where's my Identity?

So, with the Boston marathon looming just 4 days away, I thought I would reflect on the LESSON I learned in the fall at the Chicago marathon. Yes, it was a big lesson and so it deserves all caps! I had been training hard, putting more miles in than my other two marathons, and was feeling strong. I was eager to get my chance at finally qualifying for Boston. I had to run a 3:40 in order to qualify...keep that time in mind b/c it becomes humorously amazing at the end of this story. :-) Well, 5 weeks before the race, something went wrong with my IT band, and I was having intense pain on the outside of the knee. For those 5 weeks leading up to the marathon, I couldn't run more than 6 miles at one time...not promising for 26.2 mile race. I was told I could get a cortizone shot, but other than that, I didn't really have enough time for therapy. So, instead of joining my World Vision teammates on the long runs, I became a water girl, helping provide the water for their 20 miler, the one that I should have also been doing. (But, now I am ever more appreciative of people who volunteer their time to give us runners water!) I also became an avid pool runner...receiving lots of weird looks from the old men during their morning lap swims.

Well, here it is...I was devastated. How could this be happening again? I was mad, angry, confused, discouraged. Thinking, "what am I going to do if I can't run this race?" "What will people think about me?" Here we find the major lesson I needed to learn. RUNNING CANNOT BE MY IDENTITY. The sad news is that running had become my identity. People know me as the 'runner girl.' I couldn't let them down. Really? I was actually only letting myself down, no one else. Well, after that finally hit me on the head and I realized how spiritually ugly and injured I had become, I was finally on the uphill out of my valley.

After doing all I could do for 5 weeks which included pool running, icing, ibruprofen, and ultra-sound, I decided to at least start the race and see what happened. I pulled out all the 'stops' I could think of; pain-killer, heat, ben-gay, IT-strap, and ipod! The ipod was only for an emergency situation, b/c personally, it seems like cheating to race with music. Remember, this is a personal opinion. :-)

Now, let me tell you about my awesome God! I ran the first 13 miles with my training buddy. Along the way, I was praying and saying verses out loud to encourage the both of us. Can I just tell you the power I experienced after quoting scripture and praying? A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. The pain would come, I would pray or say a verse, the pain would go away. I am not making that up or trying to be super-spiritual. I've never experienced the strength of the Lord in this mighty way before. This happened several times. Well, at mile 13, I was feeling increasingly strong. My training buddy decided to keep her steady pace, but I was ready to keep pushing and actually picked up my pace! Remember that I hadn't run more than 6 miles at a time for the previous four weeks. I was now at mile 18, still feeling good and now with no pain at all. I decided 18 miles deserved some music and so Israel Houghton and other worship pushed me on. I couldn't explain why I was STILL feeling strong at mile 20, mile 21, mile 22....it had nothing to do with my own strength. A wise friend told me during my injury, Don't pray to God to give you strength; pray for Him to become your strength. Exactly.

Before the race, I told family and friends that I had no idea what to expect and was ready to embrace the fact of dropping out. I had completely let go of my goal of finishing in 3:40. Well, after mile 20, I kind of thought I might be within reach, but forced myself NOT to look at my watch! The last 6 miles were surprisingly enjoyable; I wasn't cramping or questioning my sanity. I was going to make it! I rounded the corner for the finish and as I crossed the line, I looked down at my watch. 3:39:29. Remember my goal time of 3:40? Yup, only 31 seconds to spare. I found it unbelievable, humbling, and actually humorous. Did I deserve it? No. Was I able to go and boast in myself that I qualified for Boston? No way. I could only boast in the Lord. And I think He wanted it that way all along. :-)